relinquish!

i am in a different zone recently..from the last 1 month.a zone where there is ample of silence around me..which i seem to love more and dislike less. and as it is an inevitable task for a human mind to rest..my mind too was busy negotiating,talking,arguing etc with my soul. i am not talking about the religious soul.according to me, soul is my inner illogical immaterial emotional self and mind is my logical materialistic self.sometimes my soul empowers and sometimes my mind holds the power.so..it really confuses me..as to what i want in life..
sometimes time just seems beyond perfection..and sometimes time just seems to be the last thing i can tolerate.i don't know what i expect from myself..i don't know what i want from others.
it feels as if i see a long clean road ahead of me..and i am walking, waiting to come across something..something that is different..something that is the perfect answer for all the questions.
i look around and i see people who love me..my mobile keeps ringing..sometimes i want them to call me again and again..and sometimes i just want all the lines in my life to disconnect.my friends hate me for not returning their calls..but i don't know what it is that doesn't motivate me to pick that damn technology and call them back.i haven't met my dadi n bua from weeks, who actually live with me..in the same house,just one floor up..i just don't feel motivated to interact.
i am not lazy for sure..its this feeling of staying disconnected with ties/lines/bonds at times.
there are times when i call up and make plans to meet..and when its time to leave..i don't even feel like taking a single step.sometimes i feel i have everything one can ever wish of having...and sometimes i feel there's something missing.i feel a force thats pulling me..thats changing me..
it feels ...... to see every thought of yours proved wrong(even if you don't think so) one by one.why is it very difficult to accept one person as he/she is..instead of trying hard to prove your point of view..and trying to edit the other person's perception.why do we want to change things as per our convenience..why do we become selfish in order to satisfy our own ego..why can't i accept that i have a big ego..why do we try to edit the other person's life according to our thinking..
sometimes i portray myself
as a bird who is flying high..
and sometimes
a bird who is finding a place to hide..
sometimes i portray myself
as a bird in cage
and sometimes
a bird disentangled
sometimes i portray myself
as a bird who will disappear
and sometimes
a bird who will stay.. as in stay!

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okay now..i don't remember what all i have typed..whatever it is..is just direct..from my heart..
goodnight for now..
take care!
drive safe!
ciao!