happiness and relationships

the first message i received in the morning was " two ways to be happy in life: 1- never give the help of tears to your emotions. and 2- never give the help of words to your anger."
i actually don't agree to the first way! cause tears are just a way to vent your emotions..to feel light..and to get over issues! i just called up my best friend to share the rtc for the line 'never give help of tears to your emotions' and he had a completely new viewpoint on that..he said that..may be it means that when you cry..your emotions get flowed away..and so one should not cry in order to keep/save their emotions within themselves. if someone has a different take on it..one is free to share... reading this.. i entered the latter line in my things to follow in order to improve myself.i nfact i have actually started implementing on it before i received the message. there was a very good show on ndtv good times on anger management where they said that display of anger through violence or harsh words..actually ruins your relationship. so when you are angry..just say you are angry!thats it! u don't need to waste time torturing that person with what he doesn't do. so i m still digesting and trying to follow what i feel is right.
from two days i was feeling frustrated for so many things..i was continuously questioning myself..that where am i going wrong or why are small issues bothering me so much..or why am i dissecting every situation and doing a thesis on it!i kept on analyzing it, but i failed to attain answers. today when i woke up..i sat down with a cup of coffee to watch tv ..the show on ndtv good times grabbed my attention. "happiness- journey with deepak chopra" though i havn't read any of his books..i quite liked his perception on relationships..and according to me..it was all true!
i would like to share things that i have entered and installed in my mind and i would want myself to keep referring it again and again.

• when we start counting on things and when we intend the opposite person to reciprocate in the same amount..we end up being unhappy. it is so true..since few days..i kept on counting things i do..or things i give in a relationship..or amount of love that i shower..and because i kept on giving..i was waiting for extra returns..which is so not right. i forgot the meaning of loving somebody unconditionally. its the same for hardwork..we need to put in without thinking about the returns.
• secondly, the best thing anyone can gift someone is 'acceptance'. we keep on trying to change someone according to our expectations or according to the our perception..we keep on forcing someone to be someone that he is not..and someone we wish them to be..its not done..that person is an individual..he has the same rights as you have.
  
• he mentioned a very good exercise. write down traits of a person you admire/or you follow/or you look up to..on different pieces of paper. after that is done..write the traits according to your perception about a person you hate on different pieces of paper. put all the chits in a container/vessel/pot. all the qualities that you have written are part of u..the positive ones as well as the negative ones and one should be comfortable with both qualities..one should be comfortable with their own skin..with what they are.don't be judgmental about yourself as well as other. They may not be obvious to you, but it is frequently obvious to others who know you well. These negative traits are brought to the surface when you are under stress. so..in short we should be comfortable with ourselves..with our negative and positive traits..
  
• mirror of relationships-The world is a mirror in every moment, in every situation, in every circumstance, and in every relationship.We are attracted to those people in whom we find traits that we have and we want more of and we are repelled by those in whom we find traits that we deny in ourselves.The world we experience is a projection of our consciousness.So when we transform our consciousness through insight, and compassion, we change that projection of the world and that means our experience and relationships change as well.
• Take responsibility for your feelings. When describing your feelings, choose words that express the sensation you are experiencing, as in “I feel…sad, lonely, frustrated, jealous.” Try not to use labels, such as “I feel that you are…self centered, rude, arrogant.” Also, avoid words that reinforce your sense of victimization, such as “I feel…neglected, rejected, betrayed.” When you take responsibility for your emotions, you are informing rather than blaming the people in your life.
• Ask for what you want.Ask for specific words or actions that will fulfill your desires. For example, if you are seeking more attention from your partner, do not ask him or her just to spend more time with you. Ask your partner to take a walk after dinner or go to a movie on Saturday night. Express your need in the form of a request rather than a demand. We all have an inherent impulse to resist demands, whereas our self-esteem is raised when we are able to fulfill requests. Practicing this simple process can be remarkably effective in transforming turbulent relationships into harmonious ones. As we feel increasingly confident that we can get our emotional needs met in a relationship, we can spend more time celebrating, rather than lamenting, our lives and our loves.

okay then..i think its a lot for today..my mind is thinking and thinking since morning..and now that i have written down everything i wanted to share..i am at peace. sometimes i feel that i should have some device which would note down my thoughts that very moments..so that i don't miss out on any though that comes across my mind.. anyways.. signing off for now.. have a great day.. take care drive safe ciao!