There was a constant thought on my mind since the time my post-graduation course got over, n i had no reason left to visit the college..and the thought was- " i am growing old, n soon i will have to get married, n soon i will have to be away from home, n soon i will have to start my own income stream so that i can afford my day to day demands or needs..n soon i will lose the right for monthly pocket money...etc etc" ...so these thoughts would actually make me feel sad...which i think added to degree of escapism and fear of commitment. Also on my pre birthday party,a minute before the clock struck 12.. i cried like a baby, when one of my friend just mentioned that i will be 27 and not 26, all i had on my mind at that moment was that i don't want to turn 26! i don't want to turn 27! i don't want to grow or look old and i don't want time to fly away..i love it right now..i love that i am with my parents..and i am putting efforts to study and my mature lovely hard-working boyfriend is earning...n i still get to be in college for my research work...too much of whining..right?!
Anyway..so on my birthday..when i was out for lunch with my close friends..n during a discussion on why i cried so much last night...i just blurted out a line "i don't want numbers to speak my age". so it made no sense to me at that point..i was just thinking that i hate numbers and hate maths n i don't want numbers to represent my age..my smart boyfriend repeated this dialogue twice- "i don't want numbers to speak my age " expressing that its a great line...he analysed and his behaviour at that moment indicated that he got a lot from that philosophical line.
the funny part is that i understood the real meaning of my own dialogue today morning while shopping for vegetables in a mall. I never knew i was this slow.. anyway..so today morning..this dialogue was ringing in my head..and on introspection i realized what it meant..it was truly an eye-opener for me..i realized that i don't want numbers to speak my age..its not the numbers its what you are ..numbers are just numbers..they are hollow..they are vacant..its what you add to it...its the meaning you add to it..and nothing in this world can represent you except you..your work, your achievements, your goals n your dreams. And all this is so subjective and variant and different in nature. My priorities are different at this point of time (n not because of my "age")..and i am sure this is the way it is with all the other beings on this planet...but that does not mean i don't enjoy those things that i used to enjoy as a child...i still love those things..hopping in a puddle, playing board games, making paper boats in puddle, dancing in rain, singing in bathroom, demanding chocolates and clothes from parents...i love it...and i would still love to do it..gosh..i feel alive..may be i am over excited n in a happy phase right now..but i love the fact that i have pushed the numbers back, and i just think that every morning i want to wake up and feel that i am alive! I am happy today n i will be happy tomorrow because i have those people around me or those sticking to me..who love me from the bottom of their heart and respect me who i am....and guess what...i can't wait to grow old...cause I can't wait to grow my tree of knowledge, my experience factory, my relation-ships. Cause I can't wait to see what the next day has instore for me..have never been so excited to live the next day or hour...life..bring it on!
I am glad i celebrated my birthday in a different way...I am glad i understood the real meaning of "growing old"..I am glad I am alive!
Cheers to Life!
take care!
drive safe!
love!
xoxo
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